The Original Because of Love

*This is a long post, but it is very important to me.

Not to long ago, you may remember that I had a small break down.

It all boiled down to someone said something to me that made me feel very bad about myself. I felt self conscious about how I looked (my weight and my clothes.)

When this occurred, at first I was very hurt and sad. I cried and felt very sorry for myself. Then, I moved into being really mad. I was so angry at that person. I saw her later and thought, “I hope you realize what a mean, stupid person you are!”. Now I realize that this reaction was worse than being sad and feeling bad about myself. I have now moved into forgiving that person and realizing that I really should thank her for making me want to improve myself.

My whole turn around started last week. It started with a few little things.

First, I figured out how to make my hair cut look cute. (It has only taken 2 months for me to figure out how to fix it how I like it!)

Next, I went through some of my clothes in my closet. I realized that I have more “wearable” clothes that I thought I did.

Then, surprisingly, I was hit on this week. A very good looking stranger approached me and asked for my number. (Yes, Josh knows all about it!) I am not going to lie, this made me feel very good about myself! Especially since when he approached me I was wearing blue polka dot pajama pants, a white sweatshirt, flips flops, and MY GLASSES!!!!

Also, I when I stepped on the scale and realized that all my working out and changing my eating habits really was helping, I was ecstatic. (I know that I have a LONG way to go, but I am happy to be moving in a downward direction.)

Finally, on Sunday, I got up that morning and walked into my closet to pick out what I was going to wear to church. For some reason, my eyes fell on the sweater that I had been wearing the day “the incident” took place. I have not worn that sweater since that day. I though, “Stephanie, you should wear that today.” I started to think about how I really did like that sweater. I had got it for Christmas and was very excited about it. It is a very nice Gap sweater that cost my parents a good amount of money. I also remembered that before “the incident” had occurred, I had a number of compliments on that sweater. So, I decided, “Forget about last time. Wear it!” I pulled it down, put it on, and looked at myself in the mirror. (I have to admit, that I think it looked very nice.) I was very proud of myself.

At church, I walked up to Josh and he told me that I looked very nice. (He usually tells me that I look nice, but it meant a lot to me that day.) Another one of my friends also told me that I looked nice that day. (This too was very encouraging.)

I was even more encouraged by listening to Pastor’s sermon. I realized that I shouldn’t let one comment or one person hurt my feelings. It takes just as much effort to be self conscious and sad as it does to try and better myself. I need to concentrate on the positive, not the negative.

Also, I read this verse:

Jeremiah 17:7-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

The first sentence stuck out to me! My confidence needs to be in Christ! It doesn’t matter what size I am or what clothes I have on, God loves me! (How special is that!) It also talked about “sending out roots”. Those words made me think about Alyse. From the time I found out I was having a little girl, I have prayed for her body image. I don’t want her to feel self conscious or bad about herself. I don’t want her to be ashamed of who God has made her to be. I realized that I need to be an example to her. If I am going to be ashamed of myself, what is that going to tell her?

Now, I know that I am still going to have days when I am not happy with my weight, or my hair, or my clothes, etc. But I am going to continue to work on it. I am not only going to continue to exercise and watch what I am eating, but I am also going to work on how I think about myself. God made me who I am on purpose. I am not an accident. I know that God, Josh, and many others love me, so maybe I need to love myself too.